I'm sick to my stomach. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up everything you've ever told me, and everything I've ever told you. They weren't lies, and aren't lies. They never were, and won't ever be. I'm having to face the fact that you don't wanna do "us" anymore. That you just "wanna be friends". How can you befriend someone who once meant everything to you, and now means nothing at all to you. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't dance. I can't speak. I can't do anything. I need closure. I can't move on, knowing that you still want to keep pieces of me, when you're asking me to let go of all of you. It's not fair. You can either have all of me, or none of me. And I'm ridiculous, wearing your hoodie, hugging every single plushie you ever given me. When they should be in the bags you gave me, ready to be given back to you. I don't know where this is going to go. Where this is going to lead me. But I want to keep working for this. I don't know where else to go or what else to do. I want this to be right, and I don't want to leave. But leaving seems to be my only option and I'm not going to until you give me every part of me, back to me. This is it. And I want it to be it, knowing that there's no turning back from there. Knowing that I can't do anything about it because you've simply just moved on. I can't do this "I'll always be here for you" when you know you're really not, just to lessen the tension between us that's going to arise. I don't want to be one of those ignorant girls who gets out of relationships saying shit like "he doesn't know what he's missing out on" or "I'm the best thing that's ever happened and is going to happen to him". I want to be the one to change your mind. To rock your world in genres of music you've never even heard of. I want to sleep on dry pillows, dreaming happy dreams, loving myself, and not questioning myself. I want to love you for who you are. Just an individual. I don't want to be attached to you anymore, because you don't want to be attached to me anymore. I don't want to have anything to do with you, even though everywhere I look and everything I do, has to do with you. Reminds me of you. Makes me think of you. Then I find myself, running back to you. I don't want to do that. Let me go completely. Never text me back. Never tell me you love me. Never call me. Never say my name. Delete everything that pertains to me, or us. Forgive me of every little good and bad thing I've ever said to you, because now, it'll mean nothing to me, just as it means nothing to you. I guess all I can do now is pray. Pray for a better future. For strength. For peace of mind. For help. For guidance. That you won't ever treat another girl like how you treated me. I'm going to stand on my own two feet, just like I had planned to my whole life. After the first chance I had to be with you. I'm going to stand on my own two feet. And know that the choice I'm forced to make, was the best one for me. It is not my fault. And it never was. I always took it, because I love you. I love you. Those words are going to fade, and I know that I'm going to have to use those words more carefully. And say them to someone, and only someone, who will say them back to me, knowing that they'll mean it 100% of the time. To someone who I don't have question. Because I'm sure they really do love me. I'm going to make new memories now. New memories that overpower the ones we had together, simply because I have to. And I'm choosing to. Because I know you're not going to come back to me. I can wish, hope, and pray you will. But you're not going to. And I'm sorry that I'm not worth coming back to. But there will hopefully be someone. Someone out there who's going to tell me different. Prove me wrong, and tell me I was stupid to even consider being sorry. I am, because I wasn't enough to keep you satisfied. Enough to keep you wanting more of me. Enough to keep you fighting for me. I wasted not only yours, but my time. If I knew we were both going to end up like this, I wouldn't have said yes. I wouldn't have given you the second chance. Even if the journey was amazing. I would take it all back, just to prevent us from hurting. It's just been such a good time. A long, good time. We're making the biggest mistake of our lives, and the greatest change that will hopefully help us in the long run. You think I'm going to find someone else. But no one else is like you. I'm just going to have to wait patiently for a certain someone different to sweep me off my feet again, just like you did. But better. They're going to have big shoes to fill. But if they really want me. They'll do it.

October 2, 2011--
Me: If you believe that, then I guess this is it. Thank you for the past 9 months, and all you've taught me. You truly are something, and I hope that in the future, you'll find someone who's good to you. Keep praying, and dancing. Have a good performance tonight.
You: Thank you Kayla. Really, for everything. I've learned a lot too. You better keep dancing too, the only man you should be on your knees for is god, and only god. What we had was really something, and I'm glad we had it. I'll never forget you. I hope all goes well with everything. Have fun and good luck in Philly and your musical thing. Goodbye Kayla. Please don't forget about me. 

P.S., I'm not going to Philly anymore. It doesn't feel right to go. But thanks for your wishes of me being well.

P.S.S. I love you.